Lay the egg quickly!

As far as I ever experienced, textoing (sending short messages) has never been popular in the United States. I’m sure it’s because calling people is just so inexpensive in the United States that there is no point spending all that time keying in a short message when otherwise all you have to do is press the dial button. It is in this fact that the US is quite unique. In all the other countries I’ve ever experienced (with perhaps the exception of Canada?), textoing is an essential part of everyday life. However, it’s the Chinese who have taken the texto to a new level.

I need to count how many SMS’s I send in one day, but I’m sure that I probably average somewhere around 30-50—it’s like all I do all day (besides teaching that is!). I think it’s partially a function of the fact that, for some reason, voice messaging is unheard of in China. If you call somebody and they don’t answer, the only way to leave a message is via text.

Because of this prevalence of textos everywhere, I feel like the Chinese have refined them to an art and even a cultural practice. Never before have I gotten so many messages to remind me that the weather is getting colder (which it is—reached 0 degrees Celsius on Thursday morning), and so I should “多穿衣服,” which means to “wear more clothes.”

Also, on every holiday, the number of messages sent seems to jump exponentially. Everybody must wish everybody else a happy Mid-Autumn festival, a thoughtful Thanksgiving, a Merry Christmas, etc. Of course, they don’t just send simple messages like “Merry Christmas.” Rather, I often get elaborate poems, or riddles, or jokes that I have difficulty following. They then get sent around from one person to the next, and so you end up with the same message from about five to ten people. My favorite Christmas one so far is as follows:

“圣诞节快到了,记得在庄头放袜子,我决定让圣诞老人送你一只公鸡.一只母鸡.因为公鸡会说”生蛋!生蛋!”,母鸡会说”快了!快了!”,祝你生蛋快了.”

And here we go having to translate things again. I’ve mentioned before that I think translation is stupid, and that humor doesn’t usually translate well before, right? If not, consider yourself warned.

“Christmas day is almost here. Remember to hang a stocking on your headboard. That way, I’m sure that Santa Claus (literally Old Christmas Person) will give you a male chicken and a female chicken. This is because the male chicken will say “Lay an egg! Lay an egg!” while the hen will say “Hold your horses! Hold your horses!” I wish you a speedy egg.”

“What in the?!” you might be asking yourself right about now. But the reason this makes any sense at all is that, in Chinese, Christmas is “圣诞节,” pronounced “shèngdànjīe.” To lay an egg is “生蛋,” pronounced “shēngdàn.” To say the equivalent of “Happy [name of holiday]” in Chinese, one would simply add a “快乐”(kuaile), which literally means “fast happy” at the end. So, to say Merry Christmas, one would say “圣诞快乐,” pronounced (shengdankuaile). The confusion here lies in the fact that “快了” (note that the second character is different) means something like quickly, speedy, or something is about to happen soon.

And so, in a show of respect for Chinese puns, let me wish that everybody can lay an egg quickly!